Thinking...

The last couple of days have found me feeling a little under the weather- in fact, so much so that I stayed home from school on Thursday to rest and recoup. I decided to lie on the couch and take in the news (since I never watch it any other time). The story of our economic crisis was on every channel, with experts saying very smart things in their expert fashion. And I began to feel it. You know what I mean. That heavy feeling you get when life feels as if it is weighing you down. The experts droned on with the cost of the stimulus plan and the fall of the stock market, the price we will have to pay for giving OUR money to people that can't seem to pay their mortgages. See what I mean? And then I began to think about something I found this week.

While working on some things during the week I took out a flash drive that I have not used in a while to see what goodies might be encased there. The pictures brought tears to my eyes. The very first picture was of Sophie the night before her open heart surgery. The last photo I would have of her without the large scar dissecting her chest into two parts. The surgery was a life changing event, something that had to happen. Without it she wouldn't be who she is today- but the emotion of seeing that tiny baby in that picture (because at 7 months any baby that weighs 11 pounds and 7 ounces should be considered tiny), and knowing what she went through was almost too much. The next picture was Sophie lying in the PCICU (Pediatric Cardiac Intensive Care Unit) knocked out after surgery. Her cheeks were already pink, her coloring looked remarkably better, and her beautiful hair was lying across the pillow (she has always had a lot of hair!).

Sophie before surgery

Sophie after surgery

Savannah 12 hours after birth

Savannah at the NICU at Richland Memorial Hospital- Columbia, SC

After thinking about Sophie and that picture I went to find the old school pictures that I had of Savannah. Because she was born almost ten years ago we still used the old school-real film- camera. I pulled out those albums and began to look- and couldn't help but almost cry. I am so BLESSED. There before me were pictures of Savannah at her birth. A gray baby being whisked away by a nurse, not even slowing down for family members to ooh and aah. A baby who could barely breath on her own and who, by nightfall, had been placed on a ventilator. This same baby who was transported in the darkness just before dawn on her first night with us to a hospital in another city, one where she could be given the care she might need. The ONLY procedure that Spartanburg Regional couldn't provide for at risk infants. Savannah was the child that we were told they could not provide us any hope that she would make it through the night. When we were told that her organs were beginning to shut down, my twenty-one year old self began to sob, and I couldn't look at anyone, wondering if something I had done may have caused Savannah to be so sick at birth. I often think about the miracle that are my children- their births have all been extraordinary- never mundane. And I can honestly say that God has richly blessed me. He has provided me with riches beyond what any worry the economy might cause me.

And it reminded me why I NEVER watch the news!